I may have leaked this secret before so some may already know. Here is my not-so-secret secret weapon…the umph behind my personal Wonder Woman super powers…the force that quiets the chaos and helps me form laser point focus. My not-so-secret secret is….I hired a coach. That’s right. This coach has a coach.
You may be thinking, “Whaaa? The coach pays a coach to coach her? What kind of coach is that? Should I really trust a coach who needs to be coached?” (I may have overused the word coach just now).
Before I started this journey, this would have been my exact thought process. My how things have changed! I have done a 180 and now I see the value clearly. I made a rock solid investment in myself and my future and it is paying off. I now realize there is incredible strength in acknowledging my humanity, asking for support and daring to hold myself accountable.
So, what does this coach do for me that I can’t do for myself?
After all, I’m a coach. I know what I should be doing. I work with clients everyday to get real with their resistance and limiting belief-systems, to build their muscles in developing healthy habits, to eat well and bring their sexy back, to cultivate loving relationships with their bodies. I work with people to create their best body and their best selves. I should be able to take impeccable care of myself, right!? I should be able to do it all if I have the tools.
Here is another not-so-secret-secret. I’m not perfect. I’m far from it. I falter. I fall. I get a bit too tipsy sometimes (note to self…do not drink the Vodka Gimlets at the Wasabasco Burlesque Show. They are not made with organic lime-juice but with rather, hangover inducing lime syrup). I go for the cheddar cheese gold fish and Oreo cookies on occasion when I am in a rut. I miss quite a few workouts when I’m stressed. I bang around the kitchen when I’m passive-aggressively lashing out about the dishes. I am a nervous Nelly a fair amount of the time. I am a perfectly flawed human being. As my college friends always tell me, my imperfection is the most lovable thing about me. I am beginning to see why. Imperfection is beautiful. Imperfection is relatable and is the perfect invite for human connection. Imperfection, however, is not an excuse for settling for a “you” that makes you feel stuck, overwhelmed and agnst-ridden.
This shift in mindset has been invaluable or me. While I’m not perfect, I’m light-years from where I used to be. I improve a little everyday. I demand my evolution and I’m working toward something beautiful because I have started the process of getting out of my own way. We are a constant work in progress and I can accept myself here and now and still expect more of myself tomorrow.
My relationship with my coach is kind of sacred. It is unique in my life. How can I describe it?
Well, she is similar to a teacher because she gives me a ton of knowledge and tools to reach my goals but that term doesn’t quite fit. She is a “keeping-it-real” older sister (even though she is technically younger than I am) when she can see I’m sitting in my BS for a little too long. She is a supportive friend when life happens and creates an emotional tsunami. She gently reminds me to treat myself as gently as I want my clients to treat themselves. She is the advocate for the parts of me that I beat down on. She protects my vulnerability and reminds me that I’m not Wonder Woman (no matter how much I want to be). She is my coach.
As a coach, she gives me tools but she will not baby me. She will not spoon feed me her way of living or her path to success. She challenges me by asking me to ask myself some complicated questions–questions it would have taken years for me to ask myself. She will let me flounder a bit until I find my way toward my bliss. If I fall, she’ll let me pick myself back up, but she’ll be there to dust me off, hand me a bottle of water and ask non-judgementally, “What did you learn? Where do we go from here?”
I can already feel a huge change coming on. I am dreaming vividly about things I had thought impossible. I have white-hot hope. I also have a system that supports me in my vision.
I have an advocate who is training me to train myself, so eventually, I won’t need her. She knows that I am a genius about myself and that all my power is already inside of me. She knows that if the change is organic and comes from the depths of my spirit, it is so much larger than any insight she can provide. She allows me to draw instinct and wisdom from underneath the shadows of self-protection.
That is what a coach does. That is what a coach is.
So, why can’t we self-coach? Simple. We aren’t un-bias about ourselves. We are emotionally attached to our stories. We are emotionally attached to our ideas about ourselves and to the fun house mirror reflection we have come accustomed to seeing. Doctors don’t diagnose themselves. They don’t treat their children or spouses because they are too emotionally involved and cannot necessarily be trusted to make the right decision because of it. It is a conflict of interest. Sometimes, coaching oneself is a conflict of interest as well. After all, we are harder on ourselves than anyone else can possibly be and it can be near impossible to step outside of our own minds, to see our patterns of behavior, to gain clarity when we are so trapped in the day-to-day.
Since I started working with my amazing coach, I am simplifying. I am calmer. I am infinitely more content. I know I have support. I know someone is out their silently cheering me on. I know that if I leap, the net will appear. Having that permission is invaluable. That is what a coach does.
And so ends my love letter to my coach…the amazing Jeanne. Thank you Jeanne Grabowski!
Rock On and Be Well,