So, here is the God’s honest truth. I’m a health coach and I haven’t worked out in almost 19 months (and if you are counting, my son is 17 months), so you may have some clue as to why. To some of you, that may not be a big deal, but as someone who talks to people day in and day out about empowerment with food and their bodies, I felt I had to own up.
Here is the other truth, with a last minute move to Virginia over the last two months, I have let my business fall to the wayside recently. There was so much anticipated growth, so many plans, and it all came screeching to a half as I entered into a time of big-time transition. Just like having a kid, I had no choice but to surrender.
It is important to me to own up because I feel we can all get caught up in the illusion of other people’s lives, and how they compare to our own. To be honest, self-care and attention on my career have been looking pretty different these days. Before my son was born, I was rocking my old version of self-care. I was working out 4-5 times a week (even when I was seven months preggers), swinging kettle bells, eating super clean, green smoothying and taking luxurious long walks in my favorite Brooklyn parks in between clients, writing leisurely in my favorite cafes.
And that was the same standard I was helping my clients to achieve for themselves. Balance. Empowerment. Follow-Through. Space.
The new me chuckles at how my life used to look.
I talk a mean game about letting go of shoulds, of ego-attachments. I talk about letting go of how your body “should” look or using it for currency for validation or love. I encourage clients to look at what fear-based motivations may be driving them in their businesses and how to connect more to desire and intuition instead. I am realizing that back when I was “rocking” life, at least a big chunk of taking care of my body had to do with getting admiration and love from others. The same is true of my business. And the thing about that attachment is that it never felt good for long. Even when I got what I wanted, likea client’s admiration or the right number on the scale, or a certain amount of FB likes, the need never stopped. I kept needing the next ding or I would be dropped back into fear again. I never experienced sustained peace, calm and self-love. I became addicted to how other’s perceived me.
I realize that ego part of may never completely go away. It is with me as I’m writing this post, she is sitting right next to me.
The part of me that grips how I am seen to others is a part of my human machinery. It surfaces in how I interact with Levi at the library (look how great a Mom I am!) how I grip and clutch when I think a client may not like my process, how obsessive I can get with whether or not my blogs get “likes” on Facebook. It’s not going anywhere, but over time, how I attach to it does, and whether or not I let ego’s voice lead me into my next choice.
It’s a practice, but these days, I am making more and more choices out of intuition, out of love for my clients, out of love for my body and out of gratitude for my life. And it feels like a big old relief.
I am doing the best I can with self-care. I’m doing the best I can with how I am building my business. And right now, that looks like packaged food a lot of the time instead of cooking. It looks like long walks to the playground instead of kettle-bells, like a green smoothie every other week instead of every day, and a bit more coffee than before, because even though caffeine isn’t great, it makes me feel warm and held. It looks like letting go of a lot of the plans I had for Soul Body Life and really aligning with what matters to me most.
Is it perfect according to old Beth’s standards? Ha ha. Definitely not.
But is it more loving? Yes, it is. It is far more loving.
Right now, in my group coaching program, we are reading “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz and the last agreement (toward living a more present and internally successful life) is to always do your best. But this book fully acknowledges that your best shifts every moment you are in, every day you are in, every season you are in. You cannot control the circumstances life throws at you, but you can control how you show up to life. Beth today, in this moment, is doing the best she can and that with each new moment, each new day, each new season…self-care will look different, work will look different. And my personal best will always look different.
Instead of making hard, fast and rigid rules for how I create in my life, I can instead, focus on at solidifying a true and strong, rock-solid relationship with my intuition (my own personal bull-shit meter) and operating from her whispers (which have never led me astray).
I find that when I accept where I am with total acceptance and compassion, when I surrender “shoulds,” I actually find myself craving working out again, drawn to writing my book again. But here’s what is so exciting. It has almost NOTHING to do with how I look. It has everything to do with how I want to FEEL.
I WANT to feel strong, like a bad-ass mama, grounded and man, do I want to sweat and challenge this incredible body that has carried and fed a baby for 27 months! I want to build my business because I feel I have a message that could really help people live more extraordinary lives and I know this requires me big time stepping into fear as opportunities present themselves. It requires grit on some days. I want to take care of myself and others out of actual, real, true love. And the purity of that feeling is a new thing for me.
So, take a moment to think about how you can actually ease up yourself a little bit and recognize it is okay to let go of the way things looked before and the “shoulds” you are imposing on yourself.
Take a moment to acknowledge yourself for where you are actually doing your best within your current circumstance.
Take a moment to slow down and stop swimming so you can recognize where you are making decisions out of looking good and start to align with what your intuition actually wants.
Rock On & Be Well,