Kelly, Comedian + Actor

kelly 2I kicked my sugar addiction (I still have a sweet tooth, but now I indulge it occasionally and don’t go on a Lost Weekend-style bender because OH GOD I’M HAVING A FEELING). My penchant for self-sabotage became something I could recognize and stop in it’s tracks on a good day, and on a not-so-good day, have the awareness to stop from shame-spiraling and be able to treat myself with some compassion and forgiveness so I could try again tomorrow.”

You guys–VEGETABLES. It’s a thing. A nebulous thing I’d only just heard of about six months ago, back when I was still waking up in a pile of Cheeto dust and discarded Twix wrappers wondering why I wasn’t feeling fulfilled when I was most definitely FULL.

I was stuck in yet another cycle of binge eating/compulsive dieting, which I’d grown so accustomed to over the past 10 years it was as much a part of my identity as performing was. I was circling my ninth year working as a waitress with very little movement in my acting career, because from what I understand you have to actually GO on auditions in order to get parts, and with all the time I spent on judgment, shaming, and negative self-talk there’s only so many hours left in the day, and I had Netflix to watch.

Enter Ms. Clayton. Ooh, someone NEW to bounce my excuses off of! But all of a sudden, my excuses didn’t seem so valid anymore. In fact, they seemed kind of ridiculous. Yes, she got me eating green foods, but the biggest piece of my work with Beth was learning how to let go of the story I was repeatedly telling myself about how my life was and what was possible for me, a Bible I clung to that was really an old National Enquirer. That had been stepped on. And left out in the rain.

Change is much easier to embark on once you start realizing you’re worth the effort it takes to do so. Food became an agent of fuel instead of fear. I kicked my sugar addiction (I still have a sweet tooth, but now I indulge it occasionally and don’t go on a Lost Weekend-style bender because OH GOD I’M HAVING A FEELING). My penchant for self-sabotage became something I could recognize and stop in it’s tracks on a good day, and on a not-so-good day, have the awareness to stop from shame-spiraling and be able to treat myself with some compassion and forgiveness so I could try again tomorrow. Not even tomorrow, in the next MOMENT. Because each new moment is a chance to make a different choice, a new opportunity to change. The day/the year/your LIFE seems a lot less overwhelming and actually kind of magical when you look at it that way.

By the end of my 6 months with Beth, I had shot two web-series I had lead roles in and had begun production on a third in which I was also directly involved in the writing/development. I spear-headed a Facebook group called 90 Days of Happy encouraging others to start living at their highest potential, and began exploring a new business opportunity with my best friend. Quite the contrast from the Kelly of 6 months ago.

As a stand-up comedian, my act was always incredibly self-deprecating, particularly around my relationship with food and what a sad little person I was. I don’t recognize that person anymore. Which means I need to write all new jokes. THANKS FOR NOTHING, BETH! And when I say nothing, I mean everything.

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