Recently, on a coaching call, I was celebrating with a client. She was living a dream. Broadway called. She had just scored the contract she had been working for her entire adult life. Just a few months previously, we had completed a visualization exercise around this and it had come to fruition in startling detail, but it is important to note that the offer was a big surprise. It didn’t happen how she thought it would happen. She was already on another contract, it seemingly dropped out of the sky, and required her to step into big time courage, put on her big britches and remove all excuses to make it happen. Although it was the exact destination she desired, she couldn’t have imagined the path that would take her there.
This is an important part of manifesting our desires. Accepting that we aren’t necessarily in control of the “how” or “when” our vision comes to fruition, and learning how to dance with that. Surrendering that up to something larger than ourselves–whether you see that as divinity, as the tide of life, the intersection of like energies, or the mysterious interconnections of the universe, can prove really difficult.
She created the Broadway vision by stepping into trust, keeping her vision clear, day dreaming about what it would feel and look like, and then doing what she could do that was within her power (without forcing or struggling) consistently. Then, when the opportunities arose, stepping in with clear eyes and a full heart. In order to do this, she had to leg go of when Broadway was going to call, how it was going to look, and release from it happening on her timeline. She was in a beautiful energetic space around it; no clinging, no struggle, no obsession.
However, as she settled into her Broadway contract, those feelings of trust started to dissipate. She noticed she was already focusing on the next job, booking the next call back that would ensure the next victory–the next shiny penny that would make her feel certain of her future, her talent, her worth, her personal power, and it was leaving her drained, obsessing, and completely stressed.
The control addict had been reawakened. She had re-attached to the illusion of control and it was death-choking the journey. The cost? She wasn’t enjoying the current victory that was right in her hands. She wasn’t receiving the beauty in the moment that she had worked so many years for….until she was able to let go of expectations again and return to present gratitude.
How can we dare to dream big, get really vivid with it, align our beliefs that it is possible (all important aspects of manifesting) and then just…let go!?
When we dare to take those first three steps and let go of the outcome…amazing things start to happen. We hide less. We put less pressure on ourselves. We step into our lives less armored, more vulnerably and authentically ourselves. We stop trying to be what we think others want, because we aren’t NEEDING that thing to happen to magically feel okay about ourselves or our lives. We aren’t so afraid of immediate failure attached to that opportunity. We are open to it being whatever stepping stone or curve in the path it is, without needing it to be the destination.
In order to let go of attachment, we need to get real with our beliefs about ourselves and our life itself.
We need to examine whether we believe it is better to let life carry us downstream OR to constantly swim against the tide of life, to cling to the side of the river bank when things get rough and try to bend life to OUR will.
I am a fan of the first scenario because when we struggle against the tide of life, we are always exerting super human effort just to stay emotionally afloat. We are sputtering, bobbing up and down the water and in survival mode, rather than enjoying the ride downstream.
In order to let life carry us, we must take a look a few core beliefs.
- Is the universe friendly or apathetic/cruel?
Albert Einstein first presented us with this conundrum. We must make a choice between whether we believe the universe is a friendly force that supports our growth and expansion. Or, on the contrary, we must choose that the universe is either random, apathetic or cruel. If we believe that the universe is random, apathetic and cruel, we must attempt to dominate it, dominate other people and dominate our environment so we can stay physically and emotionally safe.
If we believe it is encouraging our growth expansion (which by the way, the universe is expanding at a faster rate than it ever has), friendly and supporting our evolvement, then everything and everyone becomes a growth opportunity, a part of our hero story and pointing us toward the alchemy and integration of our soul, always giving us opportunities for more meaning.
Life hands us unexpected surprises all the time, both positive and negative, and we can’t just hand pick the surprises we want. There are constant curveballs in life, but each one can be an opening and an opportunity if we choose to see it that way, if we choose to transform it into a teachable moment for ourselves about how to adjust. Everyone must make this decision for themselves because it can drastically affect how we approach everything; from how you give, how you love, how you show up and how you grow.
2. Will I be “okay” no matter what?
Listening to a podcast recently, I heard Danielle LaPorte (one of my personal idols) take this a step further.
She said in order to truly let go, we have to believe that no matter what happens, EVEN if we never get what we want (whether that be the Broadway contract, the goal weight, the business that makes six figures, to be a mother), that we are going to be okay, and not only just okay, but better than okay. That no matter what, we can choose to self-express, we can choose gratitude, we can choose to see the beauty, we can choose compassion and to be loving to people and the world around us and in that, we can always live a deeply meaningful and beautiful life, regardless of whether or not we successfully “manifest.” Even in the face of death, we can receive profound insight, wisdom, connection and contentment.
And that means being open the your internal evolvement (of your soul) and expansion being bigger and more important than the thing you are manifesting (like said Broadway contract), that sometimes NOT getting what you want will serve you far more than getting what you want.
You almost have to be totally willing to simultaneously believe your dream is possible and also know you will be totally okay without it, that life would be handing you exactly what you need (even if it doesn’t align fully with what you want). And this requires really looking within to seek whether or not that is true for you.
3. Can I trust my inner guide?
You also have to be willing to believe that you can trust yourself, that you are in touch enough with your internal self that you will know what your next step is, regardless of whether you get what you want, regardless of whether it is what the “previous you” would have chosen. You would need to know that you are constantly changing and evolving and never the same person as you were the day before, that your needs and desires will change, and that you ALWAYS know what is right for you when you get quiet and listen, when you stop letting fear run the game. We need to trust that we are stronger than we think and braver than we know.
4. Do I believe (at least a little bit) in magic?
Have you had experiences of synchronicity where you met the right person at just the right time, the right opportunity happened by accident or you saw the tremendous gift in a “negative experience” almost immediately? It was so coincidental it left your hand standing on end?
In order to let go of trying to death grip our goals, we need to believe a bit in magic. We need to trust life. We need to trust ourselves. And that is where the work begins, is looking for the evidence that we life HAS always handed us magic at the right moment, that we have survived and come out stronger, that overall life is beautiful and that we have always been able to have our own backs.
When we hand it over to life, to magic and to our own intuition, then suddenly we are able to manifest the Broadway contract faster, but we also don’t need it anymore in the same way, and that is a powerful place to live in.
Rock On & Be Well,